If I Had a Billion Dollars - The Video!

You asked for it, you got it: the musical stylings of Jennifer Smith, Iain Smith and Lesley Stankaitis with "If I Had a Billion Dollars".

Enjoy.



UPDATE - Welcome, Toronto Star readers! Oh, and National Newswatch too. Hello there!

If I Had a Billion Dollars

(with apologies to the Ladies)

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd build you a lake (I would build you a lake)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you furniture for your lake (maybe a nice Muskoka chair, or a hammock)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you a steamboat (a nice reliant paddleboat)
If I had a billion dollars, I'd buy you vote

If I had a billion dollars
I'd build a gazebo in your town
If I had a billion dollars
We could put it where the general store was torn down
If I had a billion dollars
Maybe we could put a jumbotron in there
(You know, we could just take the steamboat there and hang out,
even though it's nowhere near the summit
Maybe we'll see Tony Clement! or Russians!
I love Russians!)

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you rubber bullets (but not real rubber bullets that's cruel)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you an exotic meal (like a duck breast, or maybe fugu)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy Diefenbaker's remains (All them crazy Prime Minister's bones)
If I had a billion dollars I'd buy your vote

If I had a billion dollars
We wouldn't have to walk to the shore
If I had a billion dollars
We'd build it in Toronto cause it costs more
If I had a billion dollars
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft dinner
(but we would eat Kraft dinner because we're trying to showcase Canada to the world here and Kraft Dinner is Canadian, right?)

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you a canoe (but not a real canoe that's cruel)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you a fence (maybe concrete, or razor wire)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you a sound cannon (haven't you always wanted a sound cannon?)
If I had a billion dollars If I had a billion dollars
If I had a billion dollars
If I had a billion dollars...

I'd be Steve.

(with minor edits throughout the day, and video soon to come)

Another Decree from King Stephen I

I've been wondering what it would take to rouse me from my municipal campaign-induced indifference to federal politics. This did the trick:

Ottawa bars ministers’ staff from appearing before committees
New Conservative policy says ministers, not their staff, should be held accountable

The Conservative government is launching another showdown with the opposition over the powers of Parliament, this time issuing an edict that only cabinet ministers – and not their political staff – can appear as witnesses before committees.

The new cabinet position, to be outlined in detail Tuesday morning, comes just days after the opposition and government resolved a heated dispute over Parliament’s power to see documents related to Afghan detainees.

This latest line in the sand will play out later Tuesday at the House of Commons access to information, privacy and ethics committee, where the Prime Minister’s director of communications, Dimitri Soudas, is scheduled to appear as a witness.

Mr. Soudas let it be known Sunday that he’s not coming.

Well, what could be wrong with that, you ask? Shouldn't a minister be the one to answer such questions and not their minions?

You would think so, except there's one little catch: a staffer, aide, or any other sort of ordinary citizen can be directly compelled to testify before a parliamentary committee. A minister cannot.

How convenient.

When I read all this, the first thing I thought was, "He can't do that! Can he do that?!" Well, no, he can't really. But he can try. And by trying, he can throw yet another wrench into the works of our parliamentary committees.

This option is starting to look better and better.

PMO Calls High School to Shut Down Environmental Protest

I posted a link on Facebook last week to a fun little contest/action that David Suzuki had set up:

1) Call Prime Minister Stephen Harper at (613) 992-4211
2) Leave a message about what you'd like to see Canada accomplish at the Copenhagen Climate Change Conference
3) Videotape yourself doing it, and
4) Post the video to the David Suzuki Foundation.

The best video gets a personal call from David Suzuki and a $400 MEC gift certificate. Cool, huh?

Well, it seems that some environmentally-conscious students at the Woodlands School in Mississauga heard about this and decided to give Mr. Harper a call - all at once. At which point someone at the PMO, who has apparently been getting sick of all these calls, actually phoned the school to ask them to stop.

The school's office manager, Gurpreet Bassi, says someone identifying themself as being from the PMO called urging her to "please have (the) students stop calling -- they are jamming up the switchboard."

The caller continued to inform her that they had "other important issues that could fall behind because these kids are calling and for the principal to go on the P.A. system and please don't make any more phone calls."

Because really - there are so many other people waiting to be ignored by Stephen Harper.

I think there's really only one thing we can do about this: everyone reading this, call Stephen Harper today (November 23rd). The number is (613) 992-4211

Colin Horgan on 'Canada's Frozen Political Waste'

I have nothing to add to this, other than to delight in the fact that it comes to us via The Guardian:

Down is the new up: Canadians suddenly like Stephen Harper, but for the wrong reasons.

Michael Ignatieff's announcement on Monday that his Liberal party will not "actively seek to defeat" the Conservatives "by proposing their own confidence motions," was an almost direct contradiction to his resounding cry in September that Harper's "time is up". The Liberal threat to dismantle the Tory government is now effectively dead, and many Canadians couldn't possibly care less. We like Harper now. Unfortunately, it will get us nowhere.

The biggest political story of October hasn't been Ignatieff's troubles or the widening poll gap between the Tories and Liberals, or even some Tory MPs slapping their names or their party logo on government (read: taxpayer) stimulus cheques. Instead, it's been Harper's performance of the Beatles song With a Little Help From My Friends at a gala benefit at the National Arts Centre in Ottawa. It sparked an immediate response and softened some of his harshest critics. The media cooed, and Harper – formerly known for his wax-like public persona – became a YouTube hit.

'Wax-like persona'. Heh.

Really, go read the rest. The last three sentences are the killers.

The "Fourth Election in Five Years" Retort

If I might make a suggestion to all you Liberals out there taking flack for causing the dreaded "Fourth Election in Five Years", you might consider pointing out that:

a) It's actually going to be closer to five and a half years,

b) If Harper had stuck to his own election law, we'd be having an election right now anyway, and

c) The last two out of three elections were brought about (rather unnecessarily) by Stephen Harper.

This has been today's talking points memo. You're welcome.

The Gazette on Jacques Demers

Don MacPherson manages to remain respectful while expressing bafflement at the appointment of a marginally literate former hockey coach who knows nothing about politics or government to Canada's Senate.

And gets the prize for Best Historical Analogy of the Day:

According to legend, the Roman emperor Caligula appointed his horse Incitatus to the Senate to show his contempt for that body.

Heh. Indeed.

Chalk River Quotes of the Day

From a G&M article entitled, "How Canada let the world down":

What's disappointing about the crisis isn't so much that the Chalk River reactor sprung a leak (or, rather, several of them) – that's what happens to a 52-year-old reactor, said Norman Laurin, a nuclear physician at the Trois-Rivières Regional Hospital in Quebec.

What's frustrating, he said, is that the ensuing crisis was entirely avoidable.

“Those are very, very complex technical issues. I don't blame them for taking the amount of time that is necessary,” Dr. Laurin said. “It's not the government's fault that the NRU reactor is broken. … It's the management of the crisis that should have been a lot better.”

Meanwhile, Stephen Harper is disappointed. In AECL. And so is Lisa Raitt:

The day before the prime minister made his comments, Health Minister Leona Aglukkaq and Raitt released a joint statement saying they, too, were disappointed about the latest setback for the still-offline reactor.

"We have asked AECL to provide a firm return-to-service plan as soon as possible, and we have underscored to them that their first priority is to return the NRU reactor to service, consistent with maintaining the highest standards of safety and security," the ministers said in the statement.

And:

...Natural Resources Minister Lisa Raitt said that fixing the reactor is the best way to ensure a supply of isotopes in the coming years.

"That is the main fact of it," she told CTV News Channel on Thursday.

Because apparently one can repair holes, reverse corrosion, and safely restart a leaky reactor through sheer force of political will. Now get to it!

(for a somewhat more nuanced summary of the situation, check here.)

They Just Can't Help Themselves

There's a terrific article in Embassy Magazine today about Stephen Harper's unfortunate and embarrassing habit of using the international stage to engage in petty partisan attacks.

Journalist and author Andrew Cohen suggests Mr. Harper's performance and press coverage from the G8 may reflect Canada's diminished role in the world. Mr. Cohen questions what international issue Mr. Harper has associated himself and Canada with, and said it is not clear what it is that Canada is contributing.

"What struck me about this is that he was relentlessly and unnecessarily partisan," Mr. Cohen said. "And you wonder why he did it; it doesn't help him internationally and it doesn't help him at home...so why did he do it? Maybe because he just can't help himself.

And then there's this piece on today's damning SIR committee report on CSIS's actions regarding Omar Khadr. The report essentially accuses CSIS of turning a blind eye to human rights abuses at Gitmo, and of treating Khadr like an adult when even one of their own agents acknowledged that he had the demeanour of a child.

He wrote that Khadr viewed the activities of his father "through the eyes of a child."

"It should be noted that (Khadr) was 15 years of age when captured, and most of the critical years in his father's association with Al Qaeda figures took place when he was merely a child," wrote the agent.

And the government's reaction?

A spokesperson for Public Safety Minister Peter Van Loan said that the government is "reviewing the SIRC report with interest."

"As you know, it deals with events that took place under the previous Liberal Government," noted spokesperson Chris McCluskey.

AAAARRRRGH!!!!

Once - just once - I would love for an entire 48 hours to go by without some representative of Canada's New Government referencing Canada's Old Government or the current opposition. Just once, I would like to go for a whole week without feeling embarrassed for my country.

"I don't believe any taxes are good taxes"

Adam Radwinski picks up on the money quote from The Globe & Mail's interview with Stephen Harper today:

"You know, there's two schools in economics on this, one is that there are some good taxes and the other is that no taxes are good taxes. I'm in the latter category. I don't believe any taxes are good taxes."

My first reaction to this was to suggest immediately blanketing the airwaves with Liberal ads using this quote to prove to people, finally, that the man running our government doesn't believe in government!

Then I came to my senses and realized that most people would probably like the idea of never paying taxes again. Because while individual humans can be pretty smart, people as a group have a history of being incredibly stupid.

Personally, I've never had any problem with paying taxes. Of course, I've never made so much money that my income taxes were anything worth complaining about. My husband got hit a bit worse back when he was doing IT consulting - and trust me, income tax hurts way worse when you have to pay it yourself all at once instead of having it deducted. But when balanced against, say, not having to worry about medical bills when our son was born or when my kidneys stopped working and I was hospitalized for a week, or knowing that we won't have to sell our house and live in a box to send our son to University, or even receiving basic services like a public school system or police protection or having our street plowed... yeah, coughing up a few hundred or even a few thousand a year doesn't seem so bad.

I know I'm mostly preaching to the choir here (except you, Raph), but the point the Libertarians and others who continually ask "Why the hell should I pay for that?" always seem to miss is that providing such services communally instead of purchasing them individually is, among other things, CHEAPER.

It cheaper when it's something everybody needs (like plowed roads) because it's more efficient to have one guy plow 50 streets than 50 guys to each plow one street.

It's cheaper than paying a private company to do the same thing (like health insurance) because private companies take as big a cut as they can for profit while governments do not. Just ask the Americans.

It's cheaper even for things that only a small percentage of people might need (like welfare, or cultural grants, or new hockey rinks) because one of the people who needs such things might be your brother or your daughter or your grandma - and if your taxes help pay for it then they won't be hitting you up for cash all the time.

Sensible people understand all this intuitively. Even the ones who gripe about government spending and plead for "smaller government" understand that there are just some things that government should be doing. Things that cost money. Things that somebody, somehow, has to pay for. But apparently Stephen Harper would rather have us all live in Happy Tax-Free Fantasy Land and pretend that all these services we take for granted will just magically be provided thanks to his supernatural economist powers.

After all, by the time we come to our senses he'll be long gone.

Retiring Information Commissioner Takes a Parting Shot

Oh, man - I'd pay good money to see this:

Info watchdog takes aim at Harper’s stone wall

Bruce Campion-Smith
Ottawa bureau chief

OTTAWA–Canada's outgoing information watchdog is threatening to seize documents after complaints that the bureaucratic wing of the Prime Minister's Office is stonewalling some access-to-information requests.

The information commissioner served formal notice on the Privy Council Office this week, warning that commission staff would use their legal powers to seize the documents themselves if the paperwork wasn't provided by today.

"I'm about to walk into PCO next week ... for files they didn't give us. We're going to take them and they can't stop us," Robert Marleau told the Star.

"I cannot be denied access. I can walk into any federal government premise without notice and take what I need."

Marleau says that he's threatened to do this before and it usually resulted in the documents being handed over. But part of me hopes he will be forced to march in there and start pulling files. Maybe then people would finally understand that every single promise Harper made that originally brought him to power - accountability, transparency, responsibility - was a goddamned lie.

UPDATE: This guy could teach Ignatieff a thing or two about ultimatums.

Privy Council officials have ended months of stonewalling and handed over documents requested by the federal information watchdog.

Yesterday's disclosure of files came only after Information Commissioner Robert Marleau threatened to have his staff enter the Privy Council offices and seize the paperwork themselves.

Privy Council staff delivered some documents yesterday, the deadline set by Marleau, and promised to deliver the rest soon.

Garth's New Book To Be Released Tomorrow

Aaand... here. We. Go.



Because it wouldn't be a Garth Turner story if it didn't have a provocative title, right?

If you actually click through on the story, you will read that the "ruffled feathers" were over a passing reference to The Canadian Press printing a story that had been fed to them from the PMO about a caucus incident that Garth claims didn't happen. CP apparently felt he was impugning their professionalism, whereas he says he was just making a point about Harper leaking stories.

In the end, CP reached an agreement with the publisher to put a "notification sticker" on the inside cover, and that was that. Or it should have been. But no, this is Garth Turner we're talking about. Where he goes, the hyenas follow.

This is going to be fun.

UPDATE: Word was going around that the book had vanished from Amazon.ca and the release had been delayed, so I asked The Garth Man himself. He said the book will be released tomorrow (Saturday). However, I checked with the bookstore in the mall and was told that they have the books, they received the email from the publisher instructing them to put the stickers on... but they don't have the stickers yet, and he didn't know when they were expected.

Stay tuned.

Random Thoughts on The Layover of the Century*

(*stolen from the inimitable Kady O'Malley, who wins the Best Title of the Day Award)

1) Watching Obama talking with Michaelle Jean, I thought she looked classy and confident (as usual), and he looked absolutely enchanted with her.



2) There's been much speculation about what Obama and the GG talked about all that time. My guess it was divided between "What is it you do again?" and "So, tell me your version of what happened last fall".

3) Poor, poor Steve. He is no longer The Almighty Tallest.



4) Bafflegab sounds exactly the same in English AND American, no matter who the President is. Sorry, but CCS is still wishful thinking, especially when it comes to an operation like the tar sands. But hey, leave it to Harper to latch on to the one issue that most progressives disagree with Obama on and claiming it as his own.

5) Shorter Stephen Harper: "We are at war with greenhouse gases. We have always been at war with greenhouse gases."

6) Obama making an unscheduled stop at the Byward Market to buy souvenirs and a Beavertail is just about the coolest thing EVAH!

How's That "Judicial Process" Working For You, Steve?

"Everybody is concerned about that process," Harper said. "The biggest concern about Guantanamo Bay is that most of the people there weren't charged with anything and weren't facing any kind of legal process. That is not the case with Mr. Khadr and, obviously, we have to see what the U.S. is going to do in terms of moving forward on that."

Yeah. About that...

Guantanamo Case Files in Disarray
Situation Complicates Prison's Closure

President Obama's plans to expeditiously determine the fates of about 245 terrorism suspects held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and quickly close the military prison there were set back last week when incoming legal and national security officials -- barred until the inauguration from examining classified material on the detainees -- discovered that there were no comprehensive case files on many of them.

Instead, they found that information on individual prisoners is "scattered throughout the executive branch," a senior administration official said.

...

Several former Bush administration officials agreed that the files are incomplete and that no single government entity was charged with pulling together all the facts and the range of options for each prisoner. They said that the CIA and other intelligence agencies were reluctant to share information, and that the Bush administration's focus on detention and interrogation made preparation of viable prosecutions a far lower priority.

That's ok. I'm sure Khadr was being tried in that other kangaroo court.

Excuse Me?!?

Khadr was not a 'child soldier': Harper

Harper's assertion that the government's "legal position" is that Khadr was not a child soldier is bound to anger supporters of Guantanamo's youngest and only Western detainee.

"My understanding of international law is, to be a child soldier, you have to be in an army," he said in the pre-taped interview.

And in that, sir, you would be WRONG.

"A child soldier is any person under 18 years of age who is part of any kind of regular or irregular armed force or armed group in any capacity, including but not limited to cooks, porters, messengers and anyone accompanying such groups, other than family members. The definition includes girls recruited for sexual purposes and for forced marriage. It does not, therefore, only refer to a child who is carrying or has carried arms."

- Cape Town Principles and Best Practices on the Recruitment of Children into the Armed Forces and on Demobilization and Social Reintegration of Child Soldiers in Africa (Cape Town, 27-30 April 1997).

You know, if he were actually as stupid as some former world leaders I could mention, I could cut him some slack for this kind of blatant error. But he's not stupid. Not at all.

99 Out of 100 Economists Agree: Boost E.I.

Stephen Harper is now officially the only "economist" in Canada who doesn't think that strengthening and enhancing E.I. and other social benefits is a vital component of economic stimulus.

A report was released last week from the Canada West Foundation, a Calgary-based think-tank, which surveyed 25 economists from the four western provinces to get their suggestions for what the federal government should be doing right now. Among the recommendations:

There was also a consensus that the feds should quickly inject money into the hands of consumers and businesses by strengthening Employment Insurance and other programs designed to act as a safety net during difficult times. The unemployed, pensioners, students and others more likely to spend than to save should be on the top of the list. Federal support for provincial social programs should also be increased as a short-term measure. "Getting more funds into the hands of individuals who most need support and will quickly spend the money should take priority over cutting personal or business taxes," said Jonathan Kesselman of Simon Fraser University.

Kesselman, BTW, is a Research Fellow with the C.D. Howe Institute, so he's not exactly some left wing radical.

The only explanation I can come up with for Harper's bizarre and illogical stance on this issue is that he sees "the economy" as some sort of abstract thing - a delicate and complex machine built entirely out of stocks and corporate profit margins and cash. Human beings on the other hand, seem to be considered a nuisance - necessary evils who function primarily as labour units in the machine, but also tend to act as a drain on precious profits and so must be kept as close to the edge as possible without requiring them to rely on government assistance.

Apparently this approach is not only inhuman, it's not even good economics. Go figure.

Compassionate Conservatism

In one of my pub debates with my Very Conservative Friend, I pointed out the reasonableness of many of the Coalition's demands. I said, "The Conservatives may want to wait for the Americans before implementing some stimulus measures, but surely they don't need to wait to do the really obvious things like reducing E.I. wait times or increasing benefits?"

He agreed. Stephen Harper, apparently, does not.

“We are not interested in making it lucrative to pay people not to work, it’s not what this government is about, that’s not what the taxpayers expect us to spend money on… not making Employment insurance more generous”

Riiight. Because all those poor bastards in Diamond Jim’s riding are just thrilled to bits to be out of their crappy, high-paying manufacturing jobs so they make slightly more than half their previous income in the oh so lucrative field of Unemployment Benefits Recipient.

It’s like watching the rotting corpse of the Common Sense Revolution suddenly rise from the grave and shamble into the U.I. office moaning “woooorkfaaare…”

Tard.

(H/T to Steve V.)

He's Making a List...

(Tonight's guest post is courtesy of campaign manager extraordinaire Esther Shaye)

Feeding off the energy of a highly charged Halton Federal Liberal Association Annual General Meeting, newly acclaimed board members [including me! - Jen] reconvened for the meeting after the meeting at a well known local establishment known as the Grey Friar.

Heady with power and inclined to save the free world from Deceivin' Steven the Lyin' King, the conversation shifted to speculation on the 18 newly appointed Senators.

Alas, we could only come up with 14, but are open to suggestions on the other 4. Here's our list, in no particular order:

1. Preston Manning
2. Monty Solberg
3. Doug Finley
4. Ian Brodie
5. Myron Thompson
6. Rahim Jaffir
7. Mike Harris
8. Sandra Buckler
9. Mike Duffy
10. Charles McVety
11. Christie Blatchford
12. Deborah Grey
13. Tom Flanagan
14. Don Plett

(The Natty Post came out with their own guess list for Harper's 18 today, but frankly - it's lame. Ours is way better. Anyone care to add?)

UPDATE FROM THE COMMENTS:
Robert McClelland quite rightly points out that there aren't any vacancies for Alberta, thus disqualifying Solberg, Manning, Thompson and Jaffir (is that all?). But others have suggested adding:

Loyola Hearn
David Emerson
David Asper

No More Games

Alway the curious type, I thought I'd take a look at what sort of reaction recent events were getting over in BT land. So I screwed up my courage and wandered over to That Other Steven's place.

I found this almost as amusing revolting as Peter MacKay's 'chicken' comment:

The trap is set

The latest news is that the potential of Bloc-Liberal-NDP coalition government in waiting is shrinking a bit now that the Conservatives have promised to remove required confidence from the party welfare issue.

This is bait of course.

If the BLN coalition backs down now, Canadians will understand that their opposition to the economic statement really wasn’t about the “lack of stimulus”, the rescue of Canadian jobs, or the “protection of rights of women and workers”. The opposition and brinkmanship that was threatening a fresh election or constitutional crisis would have been about parties that are so fresh out of ideas, so unable to inspire, that they were ready to go to political war over their $1.95-per-vote handout from the Canadian taxpayer.

Here's the thing, Steve. And Steve. THIS IS NOT A GAME.

As disgusted as we progressives are by Flaherty's refusal to take bold action to stimulate the economy, this is not just about money. As outraged as we are about Harper's blatant attempt to bankrupt his rivals, this not just about democracy. And as delighted as we are by the idea of Stephen Harper and the Conservatives being kicked to the curb by a progressive coalition, this is not even remotely about power.

Listen carefully.

By using the current economic crisis as an opportunity to gain permanent partisan advantage and ram through ideologically-based provisions that have nothing whatsoever to do with 'fiscal prudence', while at the same time ignoring the advise of both opposition parties and respected economists by doing absolutely nothing to help Canadians, Stephen Harper has finally proven that he is incapable of running our country like a grown-up.

For him, and apparently for his acolytes, politics is nothing but a game. I imagine he thinks of himself as a brilliant political chessmaster, but his behaviour is more like some twelve-year old boy with behavioural issues playing double-dare-you and bloody-knuckles and leaving burning bags of dog shit on the front porch at Stornoway.

It is now clear that even in the most dire circumstances, when hundreds of thousands of Canadians are suffering, our current Prime Minister cannot restrain himself from obfuscating, manipulating, and playing the most petty partisan games, even with something as important as a statement intended to update Canadians on the state of our imperilled economy.

To quote my favourite political movie, we've got serious problems, and we need serious people. Time for the grown-ups to take the toys away and send little Stevie to his room.

Fine. I'm in. Just make it stop.

I've been tossing around all day between outrage, exhilaration, and a feeling of impending doom. Mostly, it's that weird, scary, excited feeling that you get when you realize that you have absolutely no idea what is going to happen next.

It's certainly interesting. In that "oh God oh God we're all going to die" sort of way.

To focus my thoughts, and to give myself something to do besides making inaccurate predictions and contemplating the simultaneous implosion of our economy and our government, I've decided to jump on this bandwagon:



I'm still not sure how or if this could possibly work on a practical level (word is that 'Prime Minister Dion' is not an option), but whatever. They can draw straws. I'm beyond caring.

What I do care about is this: that whoever ends up running the government stop playing silly buggers, stop constantly manoeuvring for political advantage, stop using every crisis as an open door to sneak in otherwise unacceptable bullshit (a ban on union strikes? seriously?!?), and RUN THE GODDAMNED COUNTRY ALREADY!!

Today, Stephen Harper proved himself utterly incapable. Time to try something radical.