Monday, June 7, 2010

If I Had a Billion Dollars

(with apologies to the Ladies)

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd build you a lake (I would build you a lake)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you furniture for your lake (maybe a nice Muskoka chair, or a hammock)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you a steamboat (a nice reliant paddleboat)
If I had a billion dollars, I'd buy you vote

If I had a billion dollars
I'd build a gazebo in your town
If I had a billion dollars
We could put it where the general store was torn down
If I had a billion dollars
Maybe we could put a jumbotron in there
(You know, we could just take the steamboat there and hang out,
even though it's nowhere near the summit

Maybe we'll see Tony Clement! or Russians!
I love Russians!)

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you rubber bullets (but not real rubber bullets that's cruel)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you an exotic meal (like a duck breast, or maybe fugu)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy Diefenbaker's remains (All them crazy Prime Minister's bones)
If I had a billion dollars I'd buy your vote

If I had a billion dollars
We wouldn't have to walk to the shore
If I had a billion dollars
We'd build it in Toronto cause it costs more
If I had a billion dollars
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft dinner
(but we would eat Kraft dinner because we're trying to showcase Canada to the world here and Kraft Dinner is Canadian, right?)

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you a canoe (but not a real canoe that's cruel)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you a fence (maybe concrete, or razor wire)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you a sound cannon (haven't you always wanted a sound cannon?)
If I had a billion dollars If I had a billion dollars
If I had a billion dollars
If I had a billion dollars...

I'd be Steve.

(with minor edits throughout the day, and video soon to come)

12 comments:

  1. yay! many hands clapping!
    If i was an activist in TO, I would jar up some mosquitoes and release them in there.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ha ha ha...good one Jennifer  !! But I'm afraid the way things are going you're going to have to change the lyrics to "If I had TWO billion dollars..." :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks! Video coming soon.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Love it Jen! You forgot about where they raised the street, but forgot to raise the hydrant.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yeah, I know... but it's kind of hard to fit that sort of monumental cock-up into a fifteen syllable stanza.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Excellent.  Love it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I loved this so much I had to post the whole text in my blog, instead of just a link.

    But then I had to change a few bits, and add links to news stories backing up each part.

    But I won't try to sing either version - can't match those golden voices!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Leslie Jane MoranJune 9, 2010 at 2:51 PM

    This is fantastic.  I got a head's up from the Professor and have featured you on my blog as well.  Bravo!  

    ReplyDelete
  9. Brilliant. I hope it goes viral. Saw it posted on the Star's website today. You go!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Amused. Definitely amused. This is joining "Shelagh's Caravan" in my personal alt.cancon.culture Hall of Fame.

    ReplyDelete