(some spoilers - consider yourself warned)
Just saw the movie. Great idea! Needs a lot of work, though. Here are a few notes:
1) The first act needs to take up somewhat less than the entire first half of the movie. Twenty minutes, maybe half an hour, tops. Seriously. That’s just your set-up. The good stuff comes with Rosario Dawson and her friends. Leave the lap dance but cut the rest in half, at least.
2) Kurt Russell is by far the best thing about ‘Death Proof’. Way more of him, less with the chicks talking.
3) You missed a major money shot. You know, the one with the Kiwi chick flying off the hood of the car? Yeah, that one. They’re driving, they spin out, and then… she’s just not on the hood of the car anymore. Stop trying to be clever - this is Grindhouse. Just show us.
4) What the hell happened to cheerleader girl? They just left her there with the owner of the car and then… what? Nothing? How about a few cuts back to the two of them chatting about, say, popular music, or the porn business, or Greek philosophy or something? That would be funny, and very Russ Meyers.
5) I’m just some chick who works at a video store - why the hell don’t you know all this? You are obviously spending way too much time with Eli Roth. He’s sucking you dry, man.